Who We Are and How We Came To Be…
From the Immortal Chronicles #1 (Spring 1998)
Welcome to the online version of the Immortal Chronicles, the official literary journal and club newsletter for the Immortals.
Never heard of us? Then there’s obviously been some ghastly mistake. You are not authorized to be on this website and should leave immediately. You are in mortal danger.
(Are they gone? Good.)
With influential members now serving in key executive positions as statesmen, diplomats, bankers, industrialists, pastrami vendors, and clergymen scattered far and wide across the four corners of our dominion (as geographically defined by Culver City, Pasadena, Hollywood, and Glendale), it’s become clear that a newsletter to celebrate the exploits of the Immortals – and to transmit secret instructions for world domination (as well as favorite recipes) to members – was in order. But, of course, you already know that. (If you don’t know it, the poison has taken effect by now and you are now dead. Sorry.)
In the issues to come, you will find a wide variety of contributions submitted by Fellow Immortals (no names please, in accordance with Immortals Bylaw No. VI.5.6), consisting of current activities, rants, reminiscences from the heyday of the Immortals, puzzles, games, etc., of interest to other Immortals.
But remember: We Immortals are a secretive lot who like to stay out of the limelight, and prefer to control world events behind the scenes – mainly to avoid embarrassment. So the next time you’re walking down the street and see a Fellow Immortal, just nod subtly, proffer the secret sign, spit in a westerly direction (no lugeys, please), and continue on.
Until, of course, the Day of the Leprous Opossum is upon us, when the skies shall turn the color of blood and the water shall be as darkest Yoo-Hoo and, lo, the waiters will become successful screenwriters and those little pools of oil that appear on the tops of pizzas will never be seen no more. But, in the meantime, keep your head down.
This week’s winning Lotto numbers: 23 42 37 11